Rationale
The article I have chosen to parody is an article from The Guardian penned by a 25 year old who condones marriages with age gaps as large as 30 years. In the article, a strong sense of bias pervades the writing as the author leans entirely towards the ideology of having older partners being the most reasonable choice for individuals. Accordingly, the author incorporates rather absurd but logical sounding reasoning that provokes the reader to agree with the perspective presented and advocate for age-gap marriages. As a response to the task given, I have attempted to parody the article by producing an article that mirrors the same point of view with a largely satirical undertone to convey an opposing ideology that mocks age-gap marriages.
Original article-
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What's right with age-gap marriages?
Society seems to condemn couples in which one partner is
much older than the other. Why the notion of having a younger trophy wife or an
older financer as a partner is “strange” is a conundrum I am constantly on the
quest to comprehend.
A frantic friend once sought my advice on how a man she met
on an online dating site was 5 years older than her and so she was concerned
about the “age gap.”
At the time, my face contorted into an expression of utmost
grief. I inhaled a pained breath, pursed my lips and finally offering a pitiful
smile, broke the news to her—a 5-year age gap was in fact VERY concerning.
A man only 5 years
older than her wouldn’t be able to pay her student loans!!!!
Tsk Tsk Tsk
At least 15 years older, Emily, at least 15, please.
I know what you are thinking— A partner more than 10 years
older than me? That is simply absurd. Why would I relinquish plausible
happiness with someone my age for someone double my age? We wouldn’t even be
able to connect.
Now, now, being smitten with someone around your age may
surely seem like a charming idea but once you evaluate the benefits of being in
a relationship with someone much older than you, there really is no going back.
Why would you want to embark on a beautiful journey of
togetherness, discovering the many facets of life with someone close to your
age? Someone who is just as much of a discoverer to the challenges of the world
as you are? Doesn’t it sound blissful to have someone by your side that can
constantly solve all your problems because they have already been in a similar
situation just 20 years ago? All your spadework is sorted because you have a veteran
partner.
Think of all the life experiences they can narrate to you.
It’s almost like reliving the times when your grandparents told you your
favorite bedtime stories about their younger days. The best stories of all will
be from your partner’s high school days-- days when you weren’t even born yet.
As a bonus, having an older partner is the perfect excuse to
getting an early bird discount on your retirement plan scheme since you’d
certainly want to show your unconditional companionship when their retirement
rolls around as you turn 32 and they 63.
Take my word for it: old is gold (and young is mould).
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